Archive for the ‘ Emotional Hygiene ’ Category

Our online course is here: Emotional Flow!

January 27th, 2012

It’s here! Our online course is here! Starting on Tuesday, March 13th, 2012, you’ll be able to join me in our 8-week online course Emotional Flow: Becoming Fluent in the Language of Emotions. I’m so looking forward to meeting you there! Your emotions are absolutely essential to every aspect of your intelligence and perception—yet fewShiver me timbers →

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Empaths in Winter Wonderland!

January 19th, 2012

Let’s Get Emotional! Embracing Your Empathic Genius Sunday, February 12th thru Friday, February 17th, 2012 with Karla McLaren at Kripalu Retreat Center in the Berkshires of Western Massachusetts! People are always telling us not to get emotional, but did you know that your emotions bring you the gifts of intuition, clarity, decisiveness, the capacity toShiver me timbers →

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We can only talk if you can be emotional!

September 15th, 2011

So I’m leaving the YMCA after my swim yesterday morning, and I overhear an older couple having an argument. I don’t know what preceded this statement, but the man snapped at his wife, “We can’t talk if you’re going to be emotional about it!” “Hah!” I said in my head as I walked past them,Shiver me timbers →

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Working through depression

August 10th, 2011

photo of exhausted catDepression is in the news quite a lot these days. Medical and psychological researchers (and news outlets) are focusing a great deal of attention on depression, and it seems that every week brings a new story about what does and doesn’t work for depression.

This is great; it’s a positive movement that is helping to make depression more of an everyday topic (instead of a hidden shame). However, many media figures report on research they don’t understand very well, and many lump all depression into one category, as if mild depression and bipolar depression are similar things. Or as if major depression can be treated in the same way atypical depression or postpartum depression should be. A great deal of the current news about the ineffectiveness of antidepressants isn’t taking into account the different forms of depression and the different treatments required.

In The Language of Emotions, I focus on situational depression, which is the situation-related low mood most of us have experienced. It’s not a disease state, as the more serious forms of depression are, and it’s usually amenable to all manner of intervention (including placebo) if you catch it early; however, if left untreated, situational depression can lead to more serious depressive disorders.

What I don’t see in this media flurry is people asking questions about why so many of us are situationally depressed. Last month, I retweeted this important public health message from Twitter user Where We At (@picklefight):

Before you diagnose yourself with depression and low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

Hah!

Where We At is silly and arch, but she’s got a serous point: When we’re depressed, we often turn inward and blame ourselves, but depression is not simply a low mood that arises from within. Sometimes, depression is a perfectly reasonable response to trouble in your life; depression is often an important signal about real issues that impede or disturb you. In my book, I call depression Ingenious Stagnation:

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Shame: The excruciating, exquisite, and indispensable emotion

July 30th, 2011

Last week, two shocking events occurred: the Norwegian killing rampage undertaken by Anders Breivik, and the death of singer Amy Winehouse. As it is online, many people, armed only with unexamined opinions and a keyboard, lined up to diagnose Anders as mentally ill. Others are certain that Amy died of an overdose, though no evidence of that has been found (her toxicology inquest will resume in October).

photo of ashamed manThere is also a lot of shame being thrown around. Amy and Anders are of course being publicly shamed, but so are fans who suggest that Amy was not merely an addict, but also a brilliant musical talent. The shame-throwers’ position is that if we admire Amy for her talent, we are therefore glorifying her substance abuse — which they assert is not a disease, but a choice. The shamers want us to know that Amy had choices, but made terrible, unforgivable decisions and should be publicly mocked and demeaned — so that others (mostly children, I think) won’t get the idea that drug abuse is a romantic and artistic activity.

Public shaming, mockery, and denigration are being touted as cures (or aversive therapies) for addiction — as if the reason Amy Winehouse was (or anyone is) an addict is that she didn’t have enough shame thrown at her by total strangers. People have also been heaping shame upon Amy’s friends, managers, family, and parents — again, as if the problem was that none of these people tried to help Amy, and as if the solution is for total strangers to publicly shame them (this eulogy from Amy’s friend and fellow addict, Russell Brand, speaks instead to the tremendous devastation addiction wreaks on everyone).

Shame is also being heaped upon people who focused on Amy’s death (rather than the Norwegian deaths), as if there is a rulebook about how to mourn — as if being aggrieved about the tragic life and death of Amy Winehouse somehow makes us less horrified and aggrieved about Norway’s victims and their murderer’s long descent into the hell of radical hate speech, political extremism, and violent xenophobia.

I can understand the shamers’ point about the relative scale of these two tragedies, but I can’t join in with the shaming, because it’s easy to understand what’s going on. In many ways, it’s less overwhelming to think about Amy, because we have a connection with her. Even if we hadn’t heard her songs, we all know musicians, many of us know people struggling with substance abuse, and most of us saw at least one of the wrenching photos that the predatory jackals of tabloid journalism continually posted of her. She was someone we knew about, and her addiction was known to us.

photo of Norwegian fjordBut I’d say that the Norwegian situation was a shock not just because it was a devastating catastrophe, but because Norway seemed to be a functional and mellow place, or so we thought. Violent fundamentalist Christians? Isn’t Norway rather calm and secular? Violent right-wing political groups? Aren’t Scandinavian countries more politically advanced than that? Violent anti-Muslim hysteria? What? Youth camps for the children of a political party, what? The Norwegian tragedy was so much to take in, and the early hysteria about Islamic extremists being responsible really spun the story. So it’s easy to understand why some people focused on Amy Winehouse at first. There’s no shame in it; it’s just what happened.

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