Archive for the ‘ Empathy ’ Category

Intuition is what?

July 9th, 2010

Photo of intuitive cat

People are very interested in increasing their intuition, and there’s a fascinatingly mistaken idea about intuition in many circles, which is that intuition has nothing to do with thoughts or emotions — that it comes from another place altogether. In point of fact, intuition isn’t otherworldly or extrasensory; it’s clearly an empathic skill that we all possess, and it comes directly from our emotions.

In my post on the gifts of sadness, we learned to channel sadness and access the gifts of relaxation and revitalization it brings us. It is fascinating to me that many meditation systems utilize the gifts of sadness without realizing which emotion they’re using. This confusion about emotions is universal; we’re trained from our earliest days to see emotions as troublesome, or negative, or as the opposite of rationality, intuition, relaxation, or spirituality.

None of that is true, but these ideas get repeated so often that they become self-fulfilling prophecies. When we treat our emotions as problems, they become problematic. However, when we can learn to see them with more clarity, we can find the gifts, messages, and skills they bring us.

Luckily, empaths have the capacity to work with emotions in clear ways, so let’s bring some full-bodied clarity to the intuitive emotion that we’ve all been taught to view with suspicion.

Channeling Your Natural Intuition

For this exercise, you’ll need a quiet place where you can sit or stand comfortably.

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Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining!

June 23rd, 2010

Photo of passive aggressive resaurant patron

Are you dealing with Passive-Aggressives? These people fall through on their promises and responsibilities and then blame everyone and everything but themselves. They also have the charming tendency to blame you or bring up grievances when you call them on their non-performance. What is going on with these people?

Wikipedia has a good description of the behavior:

Passive–aggressive behavior, a personality trait, is passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following through with expectations in interpersonal or occupational situations. It is a personality trait marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations.

It can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

About.com also has a good article on passive aggression:

Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse. When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you’ve been abused. It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal, at times loving and caring. The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.

Passive aggressive behavior stems from an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person’s feelings may be so repressed that they don’t even realize they are angry or feeling resentment. A passive aggressive can drive people around him/her crazy and seem sincerely dismayed when confronted with their behavior. Due to their own lack of insight into their feelings the passive aggressive often feels that others misunderstand them or, are holding them to unreasonable standards if they are confronted about their behavior.

My mother referred to this behavior as “The tyranny of the weak.” Great saying, Ma! But it’s also emotionally revealing, because a passive aggressive person is someone whose relationship to anger is twisted (which is why they’re weak), and sadly, that problem means that the rest of the emotions will be twisted as well (and here comes the tyranny!).

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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

June 16th, 2010

There are a number of saddening stories out this week on a topic close to my heart: Depression.

Some drug companies are giving up on antidepressant research, many natural cures are not working, and yet another doctor has clambered onto the anti-medication soapbox. Sigh.

As a sufferer of early-onset major depression, I can tell you that antidepressants are certainly helpful, and that the placebo effect is not always the curative factor. Antidepressants work, and they saved my life and the lives of many people like me. Antidepressants rock! Of course, they are also problematic, but to throw them under the placebo bus is irresponsible in the extreme.

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How to Ignore People (!)

June 7th, 2010

Last week, we looked at a questionable study on empathy, and many of us took the test the study is based upon.

In the comments section, Lorelei shared her high empathy score (68 out of 70) and commented that “it can be a bit overwhelming” to feel so much for and from others. I empathize with that! Before I knew how to manage my extreme empathy, my life was pretty miserable, and I write about that in the early part of The Language of Emotions. But there is a happy ending, because I figured out how to work with and moderate my empathy so that it stopped ruining my life.

The five empathic skills I write about in the book are central to creating the privacy and emotional flexibility empaths need. But what I didn’t write about is a magical skill I’m calling How to Ignore People.

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The Roots of Empathy

June 1st, 2010

Book cover of The Language of EmotionsI’ve written a great deal about what it means to be an empath, and luckily for all of us, empathy is a big topic right now.

I just discovered a study that seems to measure empathy. The study is in the news right now because the researchers have concluded that students today are 40% less empathetic than they were in the 1970s. Hmmmmmm.

I’ve got a problem with the study because it’s based on self-responses to written questions, and those tend to follow trends in how people want to be seen, rather than telling the truth about how people actually behave. You can take the test here and see what I mean.

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