Archive for the ‘ Empathy ’ Category

Updates!

July 11th, 2011

Hello again!

I’ve got an update about the 8-week online course I wrote about here. The producers and I want to create some videos for it and schedule a few more live sessions, so we’ve had to move it into the spring semester.

Speaking the Language of Emotions online course will now run from Tuesday, March 13th to Wednesday, May 3rd, 2012. This course is really going to be fun and affordable, and I hope you can join us!

Empathic Sleepover Camps in 2012!

photo of kripaluGet ready for fun, laughter, singing, Emotion Theater, a Grief Ritual, a Shadow Walk, and the chance to spend a relaxing week with fellow empaths and speak openly about emotions!

Let’s Get Emotional! Embracing Your Empathic Genius at Kripalu Retreat Center in Western Massachusetts, February 12th to February 17th, 2012.

 

photo of HollyhockAwakening Your Emotional Genius: An Empathic Sleepover Camp with Karla McLaren at Hollyhock Retreat Centre on Cortes Island, British Columbia, May 27th to June 1st, 2012.

I hope you can join me in any of these three upcoming courses, and of course, I’ll post more and add links when we’re nearer to these dates. Until then, thank you for bringing your empathy and your emotional awareness to a waiting world!

Continue Reading ...

Emotion Theater!

June 30th, 2011

Last week, I taught Emotion Theater to the Master’s of Counseling Psychology program at the University of San Francisco. Emotion Theater is a teaching tool I created to give people an idea of how emotions interact in real time.

In the book, I give each emotion its own chapter and talk about what each emotion is for, what gifts it contributes to you, how it works, how it can become disordered, and how you can get into a better relationship with it. In some chapters, I talk about interactions between emotions such as anger & sadness, anger & fear, fear & confusion, and so forth.

However, in a book, I can’t really show you how all of the emotions interact — because there are so many emotions, and because their interactions are too numerous and too rapid to get down on paper. So I created a live action teaching tool, where people take the place of each of the different emotions and behave in the way each emotion does — and it’s sort of impossible to explain it on paper without writing a whole new book … so okay, I gotta show you. In five parts!

Part 1

Continue Reading ...

How much emotion is too much? (revisited!)

May 25th, 2011

When I talk about The Language of Emotions, one of the central ideas I try to get across is that all emotions are useful. If you can approach them with care and ask them the right questions, there aren’t any “bad” emotions. Every emotion has a specific function, and all of them are important and instructive. Some very intense emotions (such as hatred and panic), which I call the “raging rapids” emotions, need to be handled with care, but in most normal cases, you can understand and work with your emotions on your own.

However, there are times when you’ll need assistance with your emotions. The way to know when you need help is simple: When your emotions repeat continually and do not resolve, or when they overwhelm you or the people in your life, it’s time to find out what’s going on.

When things are going well, all of your emotions (even the raging rapids ones) will respond to you and will resolve when you’ve paid attention to them and made whatever corrective actions they require. As the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio says, “emotions are action-requiring neurological programs.”

From that post: So, for instance, fear requires that you take action to orient to change and novelty, or to avoid physical harm. Anger requires that you take action to protect or restore your sense of self or your standpoint (or the selves and standpoints of others, if your anger is related to social justice). Shame requires that you take action to avoid injuring others or yourself (if the shame is authentic to you. It’s important to first identify whether the shame has been applied as a control mechanism from the outside). Sadness requires that you take action to let go of something that isn’t working anyway, and grief (which has a very different purpose from sadness) requires that you actively mourn something that is lost irretrievably. And so forth.

Each emotion is an action-requiring neurological program, and in The Language of Emotions, I explain what each emotion is for and how to work with it as itself (rather than trying to pretend it’s something else, or that you don’t have it).

With this action-requiring construct, we can be a bit more precise in our understanding of how much emotion is too much: If you’ve got an emotion that repeats continually and will not resolve itself, no matter how many times you try to perform the action for that emotion, that’s a clear sign that you could use some intervention. Let’s look at one of the emotions above so you’ll know what I mean.

The importance of Fear

photo of cat ears orienting to soundFrom its healthy, flowing state (where it is your instincts and your intuition), your fear is evoked into what I call its mood state (this is when most of us can feel it) by change, novelty, and the possibility of physical danger. The actions fear requires are uncountable, because fear is the emotion of instinct and intuition. When your fear signals you, you might need to hold your breath, freeze, run, laugh, recoil, move forward, orient yourself, strike out quickly to avoid an incoming hazard, lower your head and studiously ignore something, or any of a hundred other actions.

When you and your instincts choose the right action, you’ll resolve the reasons for your fear, and your fear will recede naturally.

Continue Reading ...

Surviving the apocalypse, chapter 743

May 23rd, 2011

Okay, we’ve survived the most recent prophecy about the end of the world, but (spoiler!) we always will. Prophecies are richly fascinating, and they tell us so much — sociologically, anthropologically, and historically — about what their believers feel, sense, think, and hope about the world, but they’re never right. This weekend, yet another groupShiver me timbers →

Continue Reading ...

Why did you believe in the end of the world?

May 20th, 2011

I’ve been thinking — or more honestly, feeling — a great deal about this weekend’s purported Judgment Day, when there will supposedly be huge, planet-wide earthquakes, a rapture into heaven for 200 million true believers, and the beginning of the end of the world. The Apocalypse, Armageddon, Judgment Day.

Of course, none of that will happen. It never happens. Hundreds and thousands of Judgment Days, Armageddons, cataclysms, end times, and planet-wide disasters have been prophesied for centuries, but none of them has ever come to pass. For instance, just two months ago, an astrologer predicted that worldwide catastrophes would be set in motion by the Supermoon, and of course, that didn’t happen. And come Sunday morning, we’ll add yet another failed Judgment Day to this endless list.

Yet there’s something much more important than just another failed prophecy — and that’s the people who believe in it. Right now, these people are praying hard — for themselves, certainly, but also for you and me. They’re worried about us, and most of them don’t want us to suffer.

But come Sunday morning, we’ll have yet another devastated group of people who were promised an end to their suffering, a victorious place in the afterlife, and a reward for their faith and diligence. These people are what interest me (far more than failed prophecies do), because I care about their welfare — and because I can empathize with them.

Preparing for the cataclysm

I grew up as an agnostic atheist, but when I was ten years old, my mom discovered a group that believed in all sorts of fascinating paranormal things like reincarnation, spirit guides, magical healing diets, karma, positive affirmations that could bring you whatever you wanted, and psychic powers. It was a blast at first, and I really enjoyed the things I learned in that group.

However, many of the group members also believed in a New Age prophecy about a worldwide cataclysm, where — due primarily to the imbalances caused by human greed, callousness, and a lack of spirituality — the poles of the Earth would shift, massive earthquakes and volcanoes would be activated, and many land masses would be destroyed or deluged with water. In essence, the Earth was going to shake us humans off her back.

It was going to be the end of the world as we knew it, and it was supposed to happen at the end of the Mayan calendar, first in the late 1970s, and when that didn’t happen, in 2003 or 2004, depending on whom you asked. Most notably, California (where our group was based) was supposed to crack off and sink into the ocean.

photo of nordstrom's piano playerI’m not sure why, but the cataclysm never felt plausible to me. It just seemed preposterous somehow, and I sort of ignored it. I remember joking that if it did happen, I would be on a small floating piece of destroyed California, which would contain a fully-stocked Nordstrom’s department store (this was my idea of luxury at the time. I mean, come on — a grand piano in the lobby of a department store? That’s mad swanky.) People in the group thought I was too young and too silly to understand the importance of the cataclysm. Perhaps they were right.

I remember some people in the group who left their beloved California for many years, because they were afraid of the cataclysm. Of course, the cataclysm never happened, but those people who left California — I think about them a great deal. How do they feel now, looking back? Do they understand more about the world and the way these prophecies hook powerfully into very specific psychosocial and emotional needs, or are they now preparing for the updated 2012 version of their cataclysm?

Continue Reading ...