Archive for the ‘ Listen Up! ’ Category

What’s so funny ’bout “negative” emotions?

July 14th, 2010

Photo of cranky puppy
Last week, I spoke at two bookstores here in California. During one Q&A, someone asked me about the ideas a current spiritual teacher has about emotions. This teacher says that emotions are the body’s responses to thoughts. I blurted out “Oh, he’s full of sh!t.”

Out loud.

I experienced a complete failure of my internal monologue system. Oh shiiiite! You could hear a pin drop, and then you could hear all the angels who were dancing on that pin drop as well. Thud.

Clearly, I had gone quite loopy. I forgot that you never question a spiritual teacher’s ideas. You also can’t express “negative” emotions about spiritual teachers. There’s absolutely no mechanism for those normal human behaviors in many spiritual circles.

How fortunate it is that we’re not in any spiritual circle!

I am sorry that I blurted out what I really thought about this guy’s ideas, but it’s not as if they were original thoughts of his. I’ve heard similar ideas bandied about for decades in an endless number of spiritual ideologies, but I naively hoped that they had gone away. To meet them again in 2010, re-packaged but not reconsidered — wow, it was a shock. It wasn’t just an angering event: I felt depressed, despairing, offended, horrified, and sort of crushed under the weight of centuries of emotionally-stunted ignorance.

I could have responded by being diplomatic and all-encompassing. I could have utilized assuaging and comfortable social lies. I could have applied my giant vocabulary to the creation of some temporizing and politically apt non-answer. I certainly know how to do that. I could have looked really pulled-together and above the fray. But instead, I used the magic healing balm of of swearing to help myself tolerate the intense pain I was feeling. Swearing is fecking magnificent!!!

But I was in a place where kids could hear me, so that was crass. Dang! I hope the parents used it as a teaching moment.

Now, after many days and liberal amounts of analgesic, health-building swearing in private, I can be more nuanced in my response.

Some Thoughts about Emotions

Contrary to the opinions of many metaphysical and spiritual thinkers, thoughts do not control emotions; they can’t. Emotions are irreplaceable aspects of our intelligence, and they evolved over many hundreds of thousands of years (okay, millions; thanks Leo) to help us survive. Emotions are instinctual, protective, communicative, and meaning-generating aspects of our thought processes. Without them, we can’t understand other people, we can’t communicate or connect; we can’t love, we can’t learn properly, and we can’t even make decisions, as Antonio Damasio showed us in his classic book, Descartes’ Error.

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Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

June 16th, 2010

There are a number of saddening stories out this week on a topic close to my heart: Depression.

Some drug companies are giving up on antidepressant research, many natural cures are not working, and yet another doctor has clambered onto the anti-medication soapbox. Sigh.

As a sufferer of early-onset major depression, I can tell you that antidepressants are certainly helpful, and that the placebo effect is not always the curative factor. Antidepressants work, and they saved my life and the lives of many people like me. Antidepressants rock! Of course, they are also problematic, but to throw them under the placebo bus is irresponsible in the extreme.

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Podcast: How can we listen to our emotions?

May 11th, 2010

Hello! Sounds True has just posted the podcast of an interview I did with publisher Tami Simon when I was in Boulder recording the audio learning set for The Language of Emotions.

Tami asks some wonderful questions, and you can hardly tell that I had just spent four full days recording at altitude! Tami has one of the best voices in broadcasting, so I just mimicked her vocal energy so that I could keep my voice in step with hers!

Photo of cat ears listening

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Listen Up!

April 7th, 2010

Presenting the amazing Fairfield Four! They’ve been together for decades, and their blend is effortless. They’ve also got Isaac Freeman, who’s one of the best bass singers who ever lived. Watch the audience (a gathering of singers) in the background; they’re so excited that it’s infectious!

If you ever get the chance to sing a cappella harmonies with other people, take it, because harmony singing is one of the best ways to be with people that exists. Singing is good for your heart, your brain, your mood, your lungs, and your emotions!

I grew up in a musical family and learned harmonizing as a toddler….

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What is Emotional Hygiene?

March 11th, 2010

Emotional hygiene is a phrase I coined about seven years ago when I was dealing with depression and a close friend of mine was dealing with anxiety. As it turns out, the two states aren’t very compatible!

My friend and I had been very close and emotionally in sync for many years, and we were very used to sharing emotions with each other. It’s nice, and I’d say you can’t have working relationships without the ability to share emotions. However, I became aware that it wasn’t healthy to share my depressed mood with my friend, because it resulted in too much anxiety.

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