Archive for the ‘ The Language of Emotions ’ Category

Shame: The excruciating, exquisite, and indispensable emotion

July 30th, 2011

Last week, two shocking events occurred: the Norwegian killing rampage undertaken by Anders Breivik, and the death of singer Amy Winehouse. As it is online, many people, armed only with unexamined opinions and a keyboard, lined up to diagnose Anders as mentally ill. Others are certain that Amy died of an overdose, though no evidence of that has been found (her toxicology inquest will resume in October).

photo of ashamed manThere is also a lot of shame being thrown around. Amy and Anders are of course being publicly shamed, but so are fans who suggest that Amy was not merely an addict, but also a brilliant musical talent. The shame-throwers’ position is that if we admire Amy for her talent, we are therefore glorifying her substance abuse — which they assert is not a disease, but a choice. The shamers want us to know that Amy had choices, but made terrible, unforgivable decisions and should be publicly mocked and demeaned — so that others (mostly children, I think) won’t get the idea that drug abuse is a romantic and artistic activity.

Public shaming, mockery, and denigration are being touted as cures (or aversive therapies) for addiction — as if the reason Amy Winehouse was (or anyone is) an addict is that she didn’t have enough shame thrown at her by total strangers. People have also been heaping shame upon Amy’s friends, managers, family, and parents — again, as if the problem was that none of these people tried to help Amy, and as if the solution is for total strangers to publicly shame them (this eulogy from Amy’s friend and fellow addict, Russell Brand, speaks instead to the tremendous devastation addiction wreaks on everyone).

Shame is also being heaped upon people who focused on Amy’s death (rather than the Norwegian deaths), as if there is a rulebook about how to mourn — as if being aggrieved about the tragic life and death of Amy Winehouse somehow makes us less horrified and aggrieved about Norway’s victims and their murderer’s long descent into the hell of radical hate speech, political extremism, and violent xenophobia.

I can understand the shamers’ point about the relative scale of these two tragedies, but I can’t join in with the shaming, because it’s easy to understand what’s going on. In many ways, it’s less overwhelming to think about Amy, because we have a connection with her. Even if we hadn’t heard her songs, we all know musicians, many of us know people struggling with substance abuse, and most of us saw at least one of the wrenching photos that the predatory jackals of tabloid journalism continually posted of her. She was someone we knew about, and her addiction was known to us.

photo of Norwegian fjordBut I’d say that the Norwegian situation was a shock not just because it was a devastating catastrophe, but because Norway seemed to be a functional and mellow place, or so we thought. Violent fundamentalist Christians? Isn’t Norway rather calm and secular? Violent right-wing political groups? Aren’t Scandinavian countries more politically advanced than that? Violent anti-Muslim hysteria? What? Youth camps for the children of a political party, what? The Norwegian tragedy was so much to take in, and the early hysteria about Islamic extremists being responsible really spun the story. So it’s easy to understand why some people focused on Amy Winehouse at first. There’s no shame in it; it’s just what happened.

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Updates!

July 11th, 2011

Hello again!

I’ve got an update about the 8-week online course I wrote about here. The producers and I want to create some videos for it and schedule a few more live sessions, so we’ve had to move it into the spring semester.

Speaking the Language of Emotions online course will now run from Tuesday, March 13th to Wednesday, May 3rd, 2012. This course is really going to be fun and affordable, and I hope you can join us!

Empathic Sleepover Camps in 2012!

photo of kripaluGet ready for fun, laughter, singing, Emotion Theater, a Grief Ritual, a Shadow Walk, and the chance to spend a relaxing week with fellow empaths and speak openly about emotions!

Let’s Get Emotional! Embracing Your Empathic Genius at Kripalu Retreat Center in Western Massachusetts, February 12th to February 17th, 2012.

 

photo of HollyhockAwakening Your Emotional Genius: An Empathic Sleepover Camp with Karla McLaren at Hollyhock Retreat Centre on Cortes Island, British Columbia, May 27th to June 1st, 2012.

I hope you can join me in any of these three upcoming courses, and of course, I’ll post more and add links when we’re nearer to these dates. Until then, thank you for bringing your empathy and your emotional awareness to a waiting world!

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Emotion Theater!

June 30th, 2011

Last week, I taught Emotion Theater to the Master’s of Counseling Psychology program at the University of San Francisco. Emotion Theater is a teaching tool I created to give people an idea of how emotions interact in real time.

In the book, I give each emotion its own chapter and talk about what each emotion is for, what gifts it contributes to you, how it works, how it can become disordered, and how you can get into a better relationship with it. In some chapters, I talk about interactions between emotions such as anger & sadness, anger & fear, fear & confusion, and so forth.

However, in a book, I can’t really show you how all of the emotions interact — because there are so many emotions, and because their interactions are too numerous and too rapid to get down on paper. So I created a live action teaching tool, where people take the place of each of the different emotions and behave in the way each emotion does — and it’s sort of impossible to explain it on paper without writing a whole new book … so okay, I gotta show you. In five parts!

Part 1

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How much emotion is too much? (revisited!)

May 25th, 2011

When I talk about The Language of Emotions, one of the central ideas I try to get across is that all emotions are useful. If you can approach them with care and ask them the right questions, there aren’t any “bad” emotions. Every emotion has a specific function, and all of them are important and instructive. Some very intense emotions (such as hatred and panic), which I call the “raging rapids” emotions, need to be handled with care, but in most normal cases, you can understand and work with your emotions on your own.

However, there are times when you’ll need assistance with your emotions. The way to know when you need help is simple: When your emotions repeat continually and do not resolve, or when they overwhelm you or the people in your life, it’s time to find out what’s going on.

When things are going well, all of your emotions (even the raging rapids ones) will respond to you and will resolve when you’ve paid attention to them and made whatever corrective actions they require. As the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio says, “emotions are action-requiring neurological programs.”

From that post: So, for instance, fear requires that you take action to orient to change and novelty, or to avoid physical harm. Anger requires that you take action to protect or restore your sense of self or your standpoint (or the selves and standpoints of others, if your anger is related to social justice). Shame requires that you take action to avoid injuring others or yourself (if the shame is authentic to you. It’s important to first identify whether the shame has been applied as a control mechanism from the outside). Sadness requires that you take action to let go of something that isn’t working anyway, and grief (which has a very different purpose from sadness) requires that you actively mourn something that is lost irretrievably. And so forth.

Each emotion is an action-requiring neurological program, and in The Language of Emotions, I explain what each emotion is for and how to work with it as itself (rather than trying to pretend it’s something else, or that you don’t have it).

With this action-requiring construct, we can be a bit more precise in our understanding of how much emotion is too much: If you’ve got an emotion that repeats continually and will not resolve itself, no matter how many times you try to perform the action for that emotion, that’s a clear sign that you could use some intervention. Let’s look at one of the emotions above so you’ll know what I mean.

The importance of Fear

photo of cat ears orienting to soundFrom its healthy, flowing state (where it is your instincts and your intuition), your fear is evoked into what I call its mood state (this is when most of us can feel it) by change, novelty, and the possibility of physical danger. The actions fear requires are uncountable, because fear is the emotion of instinct and intuition. When your fear signals you, you might need to hold your breath, freeze, run, laugh, recoil, move forward, orient yourself, strike out quickly to avoid an incoming hazard, lower your head and studiously ignore something, or any of a hundred other actions.

When you and your instincts choose the right action, you’ll resolve the reasons for your fear, and your fear will recede naturally.

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The Language of Emotions wins!

May 12th, 2011

Wow! Silver and Gold!

(May 12, 2011 – Boulder, Colo.) Sounds True is proud to announce that author Karla McLaren has won two awards for her 2010 book, The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You (Sounds True, June 20100. The awards include:
 
 
Gold medal for The Language of Emotions 2010 Gold Medal from the Independent Publisher Book Awards (in Self Help)

The Independent Publisher Book Awards recognizes the thousands of exemplary independent, university, and self-published titles produced each year, and rewards those who exhibit the courage, innovation, and creativity to bring about change in the world of publishing. In 2010, 3,907 entries from nine countries competed; 346 medals were awarded.

 

Silver medal for The Language of Emotions 2010 Silver Medal from the Nautilus Awards (in Personal Growth/Self-Help/Psychology)

The Nautilus Awards recognizes distinguished literary titles that promote conscious living, high-level wellness, spiritual growth, green values, responsible leadership, and positive social change. Award-winning titles stimulate the imagination and offer the reader new possibilities for a better life and a better world.

 

The Language of Emotions is the first book to explain all of the emotions in functional, everyday contexts. Each emotion gets its own chapter that explores what it’s for, why it arises (and in what forms), how it’s connected to your other emotions, and how to work with it in yourself and others,” says Karla McLaren.

Emotions—especially the dark and dishonored ones—hold a tremendous amount of energy. We’ve all seen what happens when we repress or blindly express them. In The Language of Emotions, Karla McLaren shows you how to meet your emotions and receive their life-saving wisdom to safely move toward resolution and equilibrium. Through experiential exercises covering a full spectrum of feelings from anger, fear, and shame to jealousy, grief, joy, and more, you’ll discover how to work with your own and others’ emotions with fluency and expertise. This book is a much-needed resource filled with revolutionary teachings and breakthrough skills for cultivating a new and empowering relationship with your feeling states through The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings are Trying to Tell You.

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