I recall when I did and said something very similar “I am sensitive and I want to remain so!” Over time the insensitive person has come to respect and allow that sensitivity but still a huge part of me is unable to relax and let go in their presence.

What an interesting phrase “for an empath whose natural habitat is relationship” I had no idea, but as I read it — it is so true for me. Your book sounds amazing as I know all too well how destabilizing it can be when someone denies “your experience of reality”.

Thank you again for the confirming my ‘sensitive reality’ and the book recommendation!

Monique

I think many of us gravitate toward (relatively) insensitive people in the hopes that we can upload their approach to the world. Nope. But if you’ve got a relatively insensitive person in your life who is respectfully aware of the differences between you, and who recognizes you as an unusual specimen, then there doesn’t have to be any undue conflict. However, if the relatively insensitive person thinks erroneously that his or her way of being is the default setting — and that everything else is some kind of aberration, then yuck.

In my new book, I’m focusing on the quality of relationships for empathic and sensory-aware people, and the upshot is that they’re crucial for health and well-being. For an empath, whose natural habitat is relationships, unsatisfying or incompatible relationships are very destabilizing!

There’s a wonderful and embarrassing book that I suggest for all empaths, called Are You the One for Me? by Barbara de Angelis. It’s a game changer, but yeesh, it’s a relationship book, and oy. However, this woman knocked it out of the ballpark.

Wow, thank you for such a graphic example of your experience in the Safeway (interestingly name isn’t it?).

I have continually been told “you are so sensitive” in a emotionally crushing way. As an attempt to get along in these recent years I diminished my sensitivity to the point I no longer became bother by because I couldn’t feel certain energy frequencies but learned that it also shut down my higher frequency sensors. I felt like I was walking in a fog all the time. Fortunately I am coming out it but as a result the sensitivity is switching back on in full.

Interestingly, just this morning when I awoke I smelled something in the home (not physical smell) and felt allergic symptoms to it and immediately tried to talk myself out of what I was sensing because it couldn’t be understood by the other family member. Is it possible to become allergic to the energetic frequency of something?

You provide such an amazing service, thank you! I am thinking of coming to your April event in Berkley it looks like it will be very healing.

hugs dear another,

Monique

I’m neurotypical, but I’m as hyperempathic as an autistic person, plus I stim and rock, I love systems, and am highly sensitive to everything. Autism exists on a continuum, and neurodiversity advocates point out that many of the traits of autism are ones that typical people get shamed out of.

You can see the shaming right out in the open if you do a “breaching experiment,” which comes from sociological research. Breaching is breaking a social rule — and if you do it right, you can see the underlying emotional rules that are at play, but are usually hidden. I did a breach inadvertently the other day at Safeway — I was holding a bunch of groceries in my arms and waiting in line, and rocking without even noticing it. Then the back of my right leg itched, so I reached up with my left foot and scratched it. A woman behind me said out loud, “Boy, you sure are fidgety.”

Hah! Get your grimy shaming attempts off of my body, lady.

The vehement denier you refer to may be trying to get the sensory-aware person back into compliance with unstated soci-emotional rules about what “normal” behavior is. There may be an unconscious and unaware, but well-meaning, intention to help the sensory-aware person fit in better. However, it isn’t helpful.

It might be helpful to bring in the books on The Power of Introverts and the Highly Sensitive Person series to bolster the sensory-aware person’s position as a valid kind of human being.

I hope that’s helpful! Rock on!