Loneliness: The drive for connection Since the first edition of The Language of Emotions appeared, people have wanted me to add drives (such as lust or hunger) to the emotions list, or they’ve asked if specific states are emotions. In this excerpt from the updated and revised Language of Emotions, I explore the most-requested drive: Loneliness. Usually, people ask me about a nuanced form of an … Read More
Many changes to an essential group of emotions! In the newly revised and updated Language of Emotions, the Fear Family has seen the largest number of changes. The emotions in this family are vital to your instincts, intuition, and capacity to keep yourself safe. They are: Fear, Anxiety, Confusion, Jealousy, Envy, and Panic. In this video, I explore the changes I made to better support the … Read More
Envy (and its partner jealousy) are treated badly in general, but envy is actually listed as one of the seven deadly sins in the Catholic tradition. We could say that the early Catholics meant to warn people against acting aggressively with their envy, but still, they called out a necessary human emotion as a sin. That’s not helpful. Your envy is a vital social emotion that … Read More
Jealousy (and its partner envy) needs a hearty welcome, because these two emotions are perhaps the most hated (and valenced) emotions in the entire emotional realm. This is a tragedy, because jealousy and envy are essential for your social survival — you really need them! Luckily, you can work with jealousy and envy empathically and shield yourself from the deeply unfortunate things we’ve all been taught … Read More
When people think of empathy, they tend to see it as a soft skill — as a yielding and pleasing kind of behavior. They think: If you listen to me and agree with me and make me feel good, that’s empathy. If you fix my problems and soothe everything, that’s empathy. Empathy equals niceness. But there’s actually a deeper form of empathy that transcends mere niceness … Read More
Okay, so my husband Tino and I are living in what I call “unintentional community,” or a condo complex. It’s a nice place near his new job, it’s month-to-month so we can look for a home, and it’s got trees and lovely plantings everywhere, so I’m not complaining. However, we’re right on top of people, so we hear the goings on, especially with a neighbor family … Read More