The Rejuvenation practice

Accessing happiness and joy in grounded and healthy ways Sadly, many of us were taught that happiness and joy are the only worthwhile emotions. Happiness and joy are very important emotions, but they’re just 2 emotions in the marvelous family of 17 emotions, and they can’t possibly work by themselves! Many of us run after these two emotions and try to imprison them, but that’s a … Read More

Why loneliness is not an emotion

Loneliness: The drive for connection Since the first edition of The Language of Emotions appeared, people have wanted me to add drives (such as lust or hunger) to the emotions list, or they’ve asked if specific states are emotions. In this excerpt from the updated and revised Language of Emotions, I explore the most-requested drive: Loneliness. Usually, people ask me about a nuanced form of an … Read More

Two Big Emotional Mistakes (and how to fix them)

Your emotions aren’t the problem  As I was writing my 2020 book, Embracing Anxiety: How to Access the Genius of This Vital Emotion I thought a lot about two emotional mistakes that almost everyone makes: We blame emotions for causing problems, when in fact, emotions arise to help us deal with problems We blame emotions for people’s lack of emotional skills  I call these the emotional … Read More

What’s new in the Fear Family?

Many changes to an essential group of emotions! In the newly revised and updated Language of Emotions, the Fear Family has seen the largest number of changes. The emotions in this family are vital to your instincts, intuition, and capacity to keep yourself safe. They are: Fear, Anxiety, Confusion, Jealousy, Envy, and Panic. In this video, I explore the changes I made to better support the … Read More

The social genius of envy

Envy (and its partner jealousy) are treated badly in general, but envy is actually listed as one of the seven deadly sins in the Catholic tradition. We could say that the early Catholics meant to warn people against acting aggressively with their envy, but still, they called out a necessary human emotion as a sin. That’s not helpful. Your envy is a vital social emotion that … Read More

Welcoming the genius of jealousy

Jealousy (and its partner envy) needs a hearty welcome, because these two emotions are perhaps the most hated (and valenced) emotions in the entire emotional realm. This is a tragedy, because jealousy and envy are essential for your social survival — you really need them! Luckily, you can work with jealousy and envy empathically and shield yourself from the deeply unfortunate things we’ve all been taught … Read More

The difference between deep empathy and niceness

When people think of empathy, they tend to see it as a soft skill — as a yielding and pleasing kind of behavior. They think: If you listen to me and agree with me and make me feel good, that’s empathy. If you fix my problems and soothe everything, that’s empathy. Empathy equals niceness. But there’s actually a deeper form of empathy that transcends mere niceness … Read More

How to talk to sad, jealous, anxious kids

Okay, so my husband Tino and I are living in what I call “unintentional community,” or a condo complex. It’s a nice place near his new job, it’s month-to-month so we can look for a home, and it’s got trees and lovely plantings everywhere, so I’m not complaining. However, we’re right on top of people, so we hear the goings on, especially with a neighbor family … Read More