Search Results for Anger

Loneliness: The drive for connection Since the first edition of The Language of Emotions appeared, people have wanted me to add drives (such as lust or hunger) to the emotions list, or they’ve asked if specific states are emotions. In this excerpt from the updated and revised Language of Emotions, I explore the most-requested drive: Loneliness. Usually, people ask me about a nuanced form of an … Read More

Your emotions aren’t the problem  As I was writing my 2020 book, Embracing Anxiety: How to Access the Genius of This Vital Emotion I thought a lot about two emotional mistakes that almost everyone makes: We blame emotions for causing problems, when in fact, emotions arise to help us deal with problems We blame emotions for people’s lack of emotional skills  I call these the emotional … Read More

Did you know that there’s a distinct difference between healthy empathy and enmeshment? I’ve spent a lifetime exploring how empathy works, how it goes awry, how we can understand it more clearly, and how we can create a ground for self-care and self-empathy within our everyday lives. I’ve also been looking at an unhealthy idea about empathy that goes something like this: Empathy means that you … Read More

When joy gets stuck: Exhilaration We’ve looked at the three happiness-family emotions: contentment, which is like a deep and healing breath that follows a sense of inner achievement; the giddier state of happiness, which bubbles up, takes your hand, and skips with you into the bright future; and joy, which arises when you’ve worked to arrive at a place of beauty and full-bodied communion. However, there’s … Read More

Welcoming Joy! After learning about each of the emotions one by one (you can find the list of emotions on my Start Here page), we arrive today at the final emotion in the happiness family: joy! Joy is different from happiness in that it is deeper and larger somehow. It is closer in its essence to contentment, but instead of coming forth after an achievement (as … Read More

In my post on contentment, I wrote about how shame and contentment work together to help you uphold your ethics and values. Your sense of self and self-esteem come from the healthy interplay between contentment and shame, which are two vital social emotions. Interestingly, too much self-esteem and contentment can be a very bad thing, and can actually be a factor in bullying. When contentment goes … Read More

Welcoming contentment! (Excerpt from The Language of Emotions): Happiness tends to anticipate a bright future, while contentment tends to arise after an inner achievement. Contentment arises when you’re living up to your own expectations and your internal moral code, and when you’ve accomplished an important goal or done your work well and properly. When it’s working well, your contentment comes forward in response to tangible actions … Read More

Happiness helps you look outward (or forward to the future) with hope and delight! As I’ve been posting about the emotions one by one, you may have noticed that when I talk about emotions, I almost never start with the happiness-based emotions. It’s not that I don’t like happiness; I do! It’s that the three different types of happiness I identify in my work — happiness, … Read More

Hello emotional kids and parents! (That’s all of us, you know.) Emotions are at the center of all learning, thinking, and behavior, and you can learn how to work with them skillfully. Kids especially love learning about their emotions, and we’ve made a 2-page chart for kids that helps kids understand exactly what their emotions do and what gifts and skills they contain. This kids’ chart … Read More

The Darkness before Dawn: Understanding the Suicidal Urge Suicidal feelings are painful but normal responses to deep pain and deep trouble — and people survive their suicidal urges every day, and go on to live and thrive. If you or anyone you know feels suicidal, there are some excellent free resources that can help. First, here in the US, you can contact the 988 Suicide & … Read More