When I talk about The Language of Emotions, one of the central ideas I share is that all emotions are useful. If you can approach them with care and ask them the right questions, there aren’t any “negative” emotions. Every emotion has a specific function, and all of them are important and instructive Some emotions (such as hatred and panic), need to be handled with care, … Read More
It’s normal for emotions to work together One big misunderstanding happens regularly with anger – which many people misidentify as a “second-hand emotion.” People have a lot of mistaken ideas about anger, but this is one of the most unfortunate. This second-hand mistake is a very easy one to make if you don’t understand how anger will arise to protect you and your other emotions (and … Read More
Each emotion arises at many different levels of intensity Working with emotions empathically means learning how they work and how to work with them respectfully. One very important key to developing emotional skills is to learn how to identify emotions at many different levels. This is especially important if you only become aware of your emotions when they’re very intense. Learning about their nuanced states can … Read More
How to define your boundaries Boundaries can be confusing to people. Are boundaries rules? Statements? Guidelines? Borders? When we set boundaries with people, what are we doing? When we set boundaries with children, are we disciplining them, or are we guiding them? Boundaries seem to mean many things, so let’s define what we mean by boundaries. Setting boundaries around boundaries Simply put, a boundary is a … Read More
There is a middle path for your emotions In my work, Dynamic Emotional Integration®, I’ve organized the emotions into four families, and I’ve also developed four keys to help people learn how to work with their emotions in new and healing ways. The first key is to unvalence your emotions (because there is no such thing as positive or negative emotions), and the second key is … Read More
Your emotions aren’t the problem As I was writing my 2020 book, Embracing Anxiety: How to Access the Genius of This Vital Emotion I thought a lot about two emotional mistakes that almost everyone makes: We blame emotions for causing problems, when in fact, emotions arise to help us deal with problems We blame emotions for people’s lack of emotional skills I call these the emotional … Read More
Welcoming the new Language of Emotions People are asking me what has changed in the newly updated Language of Emotions. A lot! A lot has changed! In this video, I talk about the changes I’ve made to the Anger Family. The emotions in this family are Anger, Apathy, Shame, and Hatred, and these emotions are involved with helping you understand and uphold boundaries, rules, and behavioral … Read More
Situational depression arises when some aspect of your life is unworkable or dysfunctional; this emotion stops you for a vital reason, and there are many ways to support yourself when depression is present. Depression has a vital message for you When we looked at the gifts of sadness, I wrote about what I call the emotional attribution mistake that I see with many emotions — which is … Read More
Anger is essential to true forgiveness I wrote this piece in my book The Language of Emotions back in 2010, but I return to it a lot. So much of what we’re told about forgiveness teaches us to avoid the powerful emotions that arise when we’ve been wounded or betrayed. But these powerful emotions are crucial to our ability to realize what happened, feel it, and … Read More
We’ve been told that anger needs to be controlled or suppressed, and that it’s a negative emotion, but anger can be the most honorable emotion you have if you know what it is, why it appears, and how to work with it. All of your emotions bring you specific gifts and skills, and we’ll look at all of your emotions — one by one — in … Read More