Understanding the ways cult leaders gain and maintain power
Hello! I’m speaking more openly about cults and cult leaders, because we had a cultic leader in power here in the United States, and after the failed and deadly coup attempt, we had more that 140 Republican lawmakers who supported his lies and sedition. It’s not over.
But not being supporter of this cultic situation doesn’t free any of us. I’ve observed that many (most?) people on the outside of this cult have mostly failed to help, to protect the people trapped in the cult, or to offer a way out.
Instead, most outsiders have engaged in shaming, mockery, dehumanization, and unskilled expressions of hatred and panic. I understand all of these emotional reactions, and I also know that they not only don’t work; they backfire and strengthen the cult.
I had written in subtext up until the months before the 2020 election, because I know, as a cult survivor myself, that if anyone disrespects your group or your leader — with mockery, shaming, hatred, panic, or yelling — you will attach yourself with more intensity to your cult and your cult leader.
But as a cult survivor, I can tell you this: there is a way out.
There is always a way out, and it’s never too late to leave
One of the first things a cult does is to get people to see themselves as special (or especially victimized), and to see outsiders as wrong, deluded, or evil. So right there, the cult becomes protected against any outside influence. The cult begins to seal itself in.
But if people outside the cult use mockery, yelling, rage, shame, or panic, that self-sealing becomes even stronger. It actually supports everything the cult leader is saying.
Cult leaders somehow understand this, and often, they’ll begin acting in wild ways — creating fevered delusions of conspiracies, behaving abusively, or spinning out mentally — which alarms outsiders (naturally!) and makes the outsiders even more vocal and intense.
Which then makes the followers attach even harder to the leader and the group. It’s a trap, for everyone.
Outside pressure creates interior cohesion
Some group members will leave when their leader begins to deteriorate, but many will double-down on their devotion, because watching the breakdown of their leader fills them with empathy and concern — and they feel more distrust or even hatred of outsiders.
Or they tell themselves stories about their leader’s divinity or his wisdom, or blame outsiders for driving him off the deep end.
So outsiders need to be very smart and not fall into the trap. Knowing what to do when a loved one is in a cult is crucial.
You cannot yell, shame, mock, or rage someone out of a cult. You can only welcome them out with respect and care for their humanity.
And cult leaders usually know that, which is why they make themselves (and through them, their followers), seem unlovable and even inhuman.
It’s a trap, friends. The whole entire thing is a trap, and the only winning move is not to play.
And I told you all of that to tell you this: There was nothing about Trump’s leadership style that *wasn’t* cultic.
Let’s look at the list of nine features of cult leaders from my book with cult expert Janja Lalich: Escaping Utopia.
Evaluating Unhealthy Leaders
The following checklist can help you identify whether a leader is toxic or cultic.
Unhealthy leaders treat others as means to an end and require unquestioning devotion to their beliefs, desires, and demands.
If you want to gauge the health of any leader or group, ask yourself: Are any of these statements true?
- The leader or group has an inflated sense of importance and connection to greatness.
- The leader’s needs, ideas, and desires are overriding; they erase the needs, ideas, and desires of group members.
- The leader can do or say almost anything without repercussions; there are no checks or balances on his or her behavior.
- The leader belittles all other ideas and belief systems, and any other leaders who are in the leader’s realm (e.g., other New Age leaders if the leader has a New Age philosophy).
- The leader takes credit for anything good that happens, and blames others for anything bad that happens.
- The leader treats questions and challenges as threats, and he or she may see enemies everywhere – inside and outside the group.
- Members must idealize and revere the leader and the ranking leadership.
- Members who challenge the authority of the leader or leadership group are punished, publicly humiliated, shunned, or kicked out, and may be portrayed as enemy traitors.
- The leader claims special powers, knowledge, and lineage – or may claim to be divine.
Donald Trump used all of these behaviors, and they’re deeply entrapping for his followers, his colleagues, and his family.
But if you’re an outsider who is yelling, screaming, mocking, or raging at his followers, you’re in the trap too.
There is a way out, for all of us. It’s never too late.
See this post for a list of the features of healthy leadership: Understanding Unhealthy Leadership
May we all learn to identify healthy leaders, healthy people, and healthy relationships.
May we all become free, and in turn, free others.
This post originally appeared on my Facebook page.