Gatherings can be wonderful, but they can also be difficult if family or work relationships are strained. I see many people respond to difficult relationships by isolating themselves (or wishing they could), and I’d like to suggest a different tactic: gossip. Hold on! I’m not talking about any old gossip. I suggest ethical empathic gossip. First, there’s a little back story here Many years ago, I … Read More
We talked about the difference between imaginary things and imaginal things a few days ago, and about how important our imaginal capacities are. Basically, the difference between the two is that imaginal things are those that we create intentionally, whereas imaginary things (such as Easter Bunnies and optical illusions) are those that we don’t consciously choose. For me, imaginal things have intentionality behind them; they have … Read More
Hey there! I just got back from teaching a week-long workshop at Kripalu, which is a yoga and personal growth retreat center in western Massachusetts. It was really fun to build a curriculum and create a place where emotional awareness was accepted and expected. This is very different from the regular world, I tell you what! One fun activity we did grew out of a skill … Read More
Are you dealing with Passive-Aggressives? These people fall through on their promises and responsibilities and then blame everyone and everything but themselves. They also have the charming tendency to blame you or bring up grievances when you call them on their non-performance. What is going on with these people? Passive Aggression was once seen as a mental illness or personality disorder, but further research showed that … Read More
Last week, we looked at a questionable study on empathy, and many of us took the test the study is based upon. In the comments section, Lorelei shared her high empathy score (68 out of 70) and commented that “it can be a bit overwhelming” to feel so much for and from others. I empathize with that! Before I knew how to manage my extreme empathy, … Read More
Hello Again! I’m doing lots of interviews about The Language of Emotions, and people are consistently asking me what makes my work different. First, of course, is that I don’t see emotions as problems to be eradicated. Instead, I listen to the emotions to discover what they’re for, what they want, and what they do. And in the early days, I did that with what I … Read More
I just did a radio interview with Natasha Dern on a Canadian show called Buddha Lounge. We talked a bit about the practice of Conscious Complaining, which I created to help people access their emotions in a healthy and supportive way. Natasha has used something similar herself for many years, which is to write all of her complaints into a journal so they don’t fester inside … Read More
How many times have you heard people say something like, “We can’t talk if you’re going to be all emotional about it!” It’s funny that we give nonsense like that a pass, because if you aren’t emotional — if you don’t have access to your emotions — you’re not going to be able to communicate properly at all. I love pure rationality as much as … Read More
Many people imagine that they make decisions “rationally,” but sorry, that’s wrong! The old wives’ tale is that we make decisions by ignoring our emotions and using our rational faculties. Nope! The truth is that our supposedly rational brains can’t hold enough conflicting information to organize a complex decision; instead, it is our emotions that help us separate the wheat from the chaff. And as most … Read More
Though you may have caught onto this already, the premise of The Language of Emotions is that all of your emotions exist for specific and protective reasons. All of your emotions carry messages for you, and if you learn what those messages are, you’ll be able to work directly with your emotions in excellent new ways. We’ve looked at the gifts of anger, sadness, shame, and … Read More