The magical relationship between anger and forgiveness

Anger is essential to true forgiveness I wrote this piece in my book The Language of Emotions back in 2010, but I return to it a lot. So much of what we’re told about forgiveness teaches us to avoid the powerful emotions that arise when we’ve been wounded or betrayed. But these powerful emotions are crucial to our ability to realize what happened, feel it, and … Read More

You don’t have to be blue — you can celebrate the full spectrum!

Celebrate the Full Spectrum! April 2nd is International Autism Awareness Day, but I have to say, if you’re not aware of autism yet, where have you been? The cool kids have already moved on from mere awareness to inclusion, acceptance, and love. We’re celebrating Autism Acceptance Day, Autism Acceptance Month, Autism Acceptance Year, Autism Acceptance Decade (and Autism Acceptance Eon, while we’re at it). Many of my friends … Read More

Love is constant; only the names change

In my work, I focus on emotions and empathy, and people regularly ask me whether love is an emotion. To my eye, no, it’s not. Here’s why. Why love is not an emotion When an emotion is healthy, it arises only when it’s needed, it shifts and changes in response to its environment, and it recedes willingly once it has addressed an issue. When love is … Read More

Support for people trapped in QAnon (and for we who care about them)

An empathic approach to a national tragedy I’ve been writing about the deeply cultic leadership style of Donald Trump, and about the ways that cultic leaders attract and then entrap their followers (and destabilize outsiders). How cult leaders entrap their followers — and their detractors Understanding cultic leaders so that you can leave them behind The toxic effects of toxic charisma At its heart, a cultic … Read More

Deep emotions and the racist bones

In 2019, when Joe Biden, a powerful, wealthy, White man who will preside over a country built on the backs of enslaved people, said “There’s not a racist bone in my body,” I thought so much about the strangely dislocated and disembodied nature of racism here in the United States. Of course, he’s not the only person to use this phrase; we hear it everywhere. So … Read More

How to Support Antiracism in Yourself and the World

How do we build a more loving and inclusive world? In 2016, when the serious troubles in the United States began to boil and coalesce into ever deepening and blatant racism, I went into a period of study with my friend and colleague Amanda Ball. We read everything that we could get our hands on about race, prejudice, and discrimination, and we educated ourselves from the … Read More

Understanding cultic leaders so that you can leave them behind

Focusing on the abuse that has ensnared our country I tend to write about explosive things in undercurrent, and one reader noted that if you can’t read subtext, you may not realize what I’m writing. Growing up in the emotionally-repressive world of the yoga, alternative medicine, and New Age cultures taught me how to say things very clearly yet subtly so that less aware people couldn’t … Read More

The toxic effects of toxic charisma

There is always a way out of cultic relationships As a cult survivor and cult researcher, I have been speaking out about the cultic control of our country, and I know this: there is always a way out. I wrote about Donald Trump’s cultic leadership style here, and shared nine facets that cult leaders share. He used all nine of them: Understanding Unhealthy Leadership. What this … Read More

How cult leaders entrap their followers — and their detractors

Understanding the ways cult leaders gain and maintain power Hello! I’m speaking more openly about cults and cult leaders, because we had a cultic leader in power here in the United States, and after the failed and deadly coup attempt, we had more that 140 Republican lawmakers who supported his lies and sedition. It’s not over. But not being supporter of this cultic situation doesn’t free … Read More

When fear, anxiety, and panic are necessary

Welcoming the genius in the Fear Family In times of danger and upheaval, many emotions will step forward to offer their gifts and their unique forms of genius. But most of us don’t know this, so we treat our emotions as problems instead of gifts. But your emotions are not problems! They arise to help you deal with problems! I’m seeing people everywhere telling us not … Read More

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